i just wanna do it

• 2011-09-01

  Anonymous asked: thanks for coming back! (Tokyo Moe)

  Thank you for caring! Very disappointed we didn’t get a chance to meet in Tokyo, by the way. Hope you’re taking care.

• 2011-08-13

  Tumbleweeds

  I would have to go back through these entries to recall when I last got fucked long and proper.

  No, wait, I can remember. So it wasn’t that long ago. I didn’t tell Tumblr about him. He was the most adorable guy. So fun and so tireless. He was the perfect rebound fling. And he reminded me what I was missing with Whatshisname.

  Honestly, I was so hardcore crazy in love that I learned to accept premature ejaculation. I will probably never get oral like that again and I might never even come like he made me come. But then he’d put it in and it would feel like GOD and then it would be over and sometimes it was hard not to feel, like, totally tormented by what I couldn’t have. I still think about it when I masturbate, like I’ve been doing for a year. Ultimate unfulfilled fantasy, never to be!

  I hope I never again fall for someone with my heart and my cunt at the same time. Since my cunt seems able to wield so much power over my soul, getting away from him physically on top of emotionally was impossible for me. I literally had to cross an ocean before I could even start.

• 2011-08-07

  Anonymous asked: Come back! Come back come back. Even if you write about cleaning supplies and paint. I miss your writing.

  Aw! You’re too kind. I would like to come back if I could do it better. IDK.

• 2011-06-27

  I don’t want anybody else!

  I have a cloudy and faraway feeling and I don’t want to sleep with anybody all summer. 

  All these men are hitting on me at work. I guess I don’t look like a kid anymore. I went out drinking with a guy from out of town last night. He asked me to meet him after work and I thought I should test out a small town Saturday night, but in retrospect it wasn’t a very good idea at all. He started kissing me on the sidewalk and I was like dang it, man, I don’t really feel like making out with anybody in front of the old fisherman’s tavern in my hometown within sight of a bunch of local roughnecks I’ve seen around for most of my life.

  Gross. Gross. Gross.

  And I don’t want anyone else anyway, I don’t know when I ever will. I don’t really feel like being around anyone who wants to fuck me. I’m gonna hit the woods with a tent. I mean it.

• 2011-06-20

  Homesick

  I wish that last morning I’d bitten it off and taken it with me. Swallowed it whole. No, just swallowed him whole. I am despair.

  It’s all vague, though, it’ll be okay.

• 2011-06-12

  Anonymous asked: I know this borders on "questions about japan" but what is Pocari Sweat? sports drink? protein drink? is it the texture of jelly or am i mistaking it with another drink?

  A sports drink I guess. Google, friend.

• 2011-05-30

  Mr. K.Y.

  I was coming home on the train this morning in last night’s rain boots and borderline pajamas (cotton mini, tee, cardigan, bare legs, and glasses, that’s borderline pajamas), no makeup, sniffling from allergies, still bleary from what has been basically a month straight of partying, scowling and slurping down a Pocari Sweat — I mean SOOOO pretty.

  Facing me on my left was some college kid staring at me, and facing me on my right were a few businessmen staring at me and talking. It’s silly to complain about it for too long when you live somewhere where you look different from the majority, but I really hate being stared at and I have some pretty wicked scowls up my sleeve for occasions when I start feeling like an animal having a bad day in a pen at the zoo. Although, honestly, I probably do physically resemble one today. Anyway so I was shooting the college kid evil eyes and he wasn’t looking away which irritated me to the point where it became a standoff (happens more often than you’d believe!) so I wasn’t paying attention the businessmen.

  Then one of the businessmen got up and approached me. He stopped right in front of my seat. I looked up at him in alarm and it was MR. BIG! From ages ago. The guy with the huge dick who followed me to the elevator that one time and got my number from someone — nah I barely remember him either.

  But man! Come on! I look so busted! I’m alone! I’m sniffling and drinking Pocari Sweat and shooting dirty looks around the train! And you point me out to your co-workers and then come up on me? Deeeeeeeeeeuuuuuuuude! Couldn’t you like, text me later? As soon as I recognized him I groaned “Ahhh mannnnnnn” and dropped my face into my hands. So he sits down beside me! For the remainder of my journey home! He asks me why I was riding from this particular station, and I pointedly reply that I slept there last night (at the Botanist’s, obvs), then say I’m feeling a bit under the weather and it’s a pretty awkward time to run into someone. And he keeps asking me questions and questions and questions. Luckily it was only three stops. I’m like ganbatte kudasai and he says the same and I take off. And as I’m leaving, he notices a big black bruise on the back my knee (acquired while moving, nothing dirty, but still, yeah, I’m in great shape, just loooovely shape at the moment) and he exclaims (to himself?) “OH! WHAT A BIG BRUISE!” just before the doors close behind me.

  ?!?!?!

  Some PEOPLE

• 2011-05-25

  What a downer.

  Since about a year and a half ago when I stopped being able to have orgasms as easily (ongoing mystery), it’s been remarkably difficult for me not to just zone out and auto-pilot during sex. It’s been really weird and pretty sad. Until about a year and a half ago, I was basically a stereotypical sex-crazed nympho girl in that I always got wet, I always got excited, I always had fun in bed, I always had orgasms, and lots of them. I was genuinely enjoying myself, although I did play it up when I knew it was a turn-on for the other person. It was not hard to do. Like, I know people get off on how hard I get off, and that gets me off harder than I even naturally get off. Everyone wins.
  

  I do still get off during sex, but not always, and it’s not as easy as it was before. And since that changed, it’s been fucking bewildering to realize that I actually have no idea how to be relax and enjoy things when the sex is good but I am not orgasming wildly all over the place. I have no idea. I’d say now about 30% of the time I have sex, I just know I’m not going to have an orgasm easily. I don’t know why. I know it’s not uncommon to need a little more than a five minute rub to get there, but it’s new to me, I still feel confused and awkward every time it happens. Now I am a little more understanding of what it feels like to be nervous and self-conscious during sex.
  

• →

  The Myth of the Sex-Crazy Nympho Dream Girl

  Check out this piece recently posted on Jezebel.com about internalized pressure to perform in certain ways during sex. What a lovely article, on such a rarely discussed topic! Written by sex-positive activist Clarisse Thorn.

  I have always, since before I even started having sex, known exactly what I was supposed to look like while I had sex. I don’t even know how I internalized those images: some of them through porn, I suppose, or art or erotica or what have you; some of them by reading sex tips on the Internet or hearing the ones whispered to me by friends. But I can definitely assure you that before I had any actual sexual partners, I knew how to give a good blowjob. I also knew how to tilt my head back and moan, and I knew how to twist my body, and I knew what my reactions and expressions were supposed to look and sound like — I knew all those things much better than I knew what would make me react. There was a while there, where my sexuality was mostly performance: an image, an act, a shell that I created because I knew it was hot for my partners. I’m not saying I was performing 100 percent of the time — but certainly, when I was just starting to have sex, that’s mostly what it was.

  And with very interesting discussion in the comments on Jezebel.

  Oh god, so this. I’m 24 and have been sexually active (god how I hate that term) for 9 years, but I still struggle with this every time. I have just as a strong a sexual drive as anyone else, but in practice I find I’m performing my way through every sexual encounter to the point that I’m not really letting myself enjoy it, and find my sex life tailing off, sometimes mid relationship…
  
  Incidentally, I think a lot of it sprang from having sex so young. To save you the maths, I was 15, and although it was totally consensual (in fact, I may have peer-pressured him a bit), in a long-term relationship, and with a really nice guy, I was such a hormonal, confused kid at 15, that I didn’t really think about anything other than what sex was supposed to be like, not what I wanted it to be like. I’d be interested to know if anyone else has similar experiences? [bluefootedbooby]

  Hahaha. I can instantly think of a billion things that gave me ideas about what sex was supposed to be like before I even hit puberty, here are some big ones:

  • My mom’s historical romance novels
  • TLC’s album CrazySexyCool
  • Cosmopolitan magazine (this was so not present in my house, but I used to find ways to read it)

  I do not perform, that is who I really am sexually. And I’ve had enough guys say to me “I wish all girls were like you” and the like that sometimes I feel like I’m part of the problem for women who aren’t like me. Sometimes I feel like somehow I’m a bad feminist because I DO fit what is seen in straight male oriented porn. When I’ve discussed this with other women, they have made me feel bad about it. I can’t help but feel that for the men I am with, I am reinforcing a standard that is overall hurtful to women. [FerminaDaza]

  AMEN! You got a witness!
  

  When I lost my virginity, the guy genuinely didn’t - wouldn’t - believe me that it was my first time. I had to explain - I’m twenty years old. I’ve watched porn, read erotica, read Cosmo, visited Fleshbot. I know the theory, I just haven’t taken the exam, if you will. And these things become internalized - it made me less scared about my first time than I would have been if I’d been sixteen, like most of my friends, but do I feel it was less authentic? Yes, I do. I wish I could let go of all those preconceived images about what I should and shouldn’t be doing to be sexy… [Glitterburg]

  Can you imagine? Like CAN YOU IMAGINE having sex without all the sexual knowledge we collect by the time we’re out of high school? Jeez, we are a product of our times! Right?

  
  

  I have always been into sex. It is my favorite vice (for me, personally, it is mainly a vice). It’s hard for me to believe there ever lived a teenager as horny as I was. I spent a lot of time in my adolescence obsessed with sex. My sexuality looks so different to me now, compared to what it was ten years ago, five years ago, two years ago. One year ago. So many experiences, changing interests, different cities and social scenes, consumption of fun substances from zero to copious, mood swings, bad nights, falling in love, hating everyone, growing up all the time… but, what am I trying to say? I am so familiar with that default performance.
  

• 2011-05-23

  Anonymous asked: Was that your final hooray with the botanist? When you leaning Nippon?

  No.

  By and by I go.